I’ve been experiencing a lot of thoughts lately about my ex-sweetheart… Old memories popping up out of nowhere, and weird daydreams about running into him on the street.
It’s been frustrating because I don’t want to be thinking about my ex. I don’t want to run into him on the street. I don’t want him in my life at all.
And yet, the thoughts have been showing up like a bad rash that just won’t go away.
I try pushing the thoughts away, which makes them grow stronger. I try shifting into new/different thoughts, but it feels dismissive. I try welcoming the thoughts and then I get upset by where the thoughts go.
I find myself searching for meaning… Why am I having these thoughts all of a sudden? This time of year doesn’t mark any special anniversaries or events. Perhaps he’s thinking of me and I’m picking up on his energy? Maybe. But who cares?
Either way, I want the thoughts to go away and they won’t. Therefore I suffer.
This is where I keep coming back to what I’ve learned as a student of meditation and mindfulness:
Cling to nothing. Push nothing away. Everything else is suffering.
When I grasp and hold tightly to things, I become attached and fearful. Therefore, I suffer.
When I push away what’s happening, I become ridged and closed off. Therefore, I suffer.
I suffer because I assign meaning to what’s happening… I think, “Oh, it’s bad that I’m having this thought. I shouldn’t have this thought.”
This causes me to judge myself, and my thoughts. Therefore, I suffer.
I assign meaning when I think, “Oh, this is good. I like that thoughts. I want more of that thought.”
This creates a feeling of wanting and lack that eventually leads to disappointment because my thoughts are always changing and can’t be depended on. Therefore, I suffer.
All of this is part of BEing human. This is part of what it means to live. We have thoughts. We fight our thoughts. We cling to our thoughts. We make our thoughts mean something they don’t mean.
Thoughts are just thoughts. The meaning we assign to them makes or breaks our day, our week, our year, our life.
So, wherever you are today – whatever you are thinking, experiencing, and feeling, – remember your thoughts are just thoughts. They don’t mean anything.
You get to decide what things mean and/or don’t mean. This is part of the Human Experience.
We’re all just figuring this out on the fly. None of us have done this before.
Embrace your human life as the highest spiritual practice, and soon everything feels a bit easier because this is exactly the experience we’re meant to be having… rampant thoughts and all.
Sending you love today, and always.
xo – Jessica