I recently post THIS story on Instagram about when I first started hating myself at the age of 11.

This is the follow-up story about how I’ve learned to love myself…

I was in bed at 5:00pm, sobbing my eyes out because I felt so scared, alone, and helpless.

My children were toddler and preschool aged at the time. My husband was out of work. And I was hyper-vigilant and anxious 24/7.

As I sobbed into the darkness of my bedroom, I heard a voice say, “God is Love. YOU are loved.”

These words echoed through my whole body as I made this revelation into a mantra.

God is LOVE.

I. Am. Loved.

It was in that moment I decided to stop hating myself.

I was tiiiired of the self-hate. I was tired of never feeling good enough. I was tired of blaming my husband for how bad I felt about myself. I was tired of feeling guilty as a mother.

I was tired of it ALL.

There was no plan in place. No big understanding that arrived in that moment telling me *how* to stop hating myself.

All I knew was it was time to stop sobbing into my pillow, wishing someone outside myself would make it all better, and take fucking ownership of my experience.

As it turns out, in that instant I made one of the most powerful decisions of my life.

And it came because I had literally spiraled as far down the self-hate rabbit hole as I could tolerate.

It’s been over a decade since that dark night and here’s what it has looked like…

Self-love has looked like having really difficult conversations.

Self-love has looked like walking away from relationships.

Self-love has looked like being vulnerable and honest with others.

Self-love has looked like no longer going on diets or trying to have a “perfect” body.

Self-love has looked like saying No regularly, and often.

Self-love has looked like doing things before I feel ready and trusting I will not fall.

Self-love has looked like fucking up, owning it, and doing the repair work required to heal the hurt.

Self-love has looked like disconnecting energetically from trying to read people and anticipate they’re needs.

(If they’re not asking directly, it’s not my fucking business to figure it out for them.)

Self-love had looked like hiring coaches, going to therapy, and getting massages, facials, acupuncture, and anything else that makes me feel loved and hugged.

Self-love had looked like asking for what I want + need instead of idly waiting around for my needs to get met.

Self-love has looked like traveling the world, near and far, and finding out that even if I lived a million years I wouldn’t be able to experience it all.

(Therefore I am free to just BE and enjoy the perfection of exactly where I am.)

Self-love has looks like offering my gifts and passions to the world without shame or apology.

Self-love has looked like dance parties in the living room and primal screaming in the woods.

Self-love looked like waking up every damn day and DECIDING I am valuable, worthy, and enough exactly as I am.

Self-love has looked like surrounding myself with amazing women + men who see me, hear me, and lift me up with who they BE.

Self-love has looked like not always loving myself even though I’ve decided to.

Self-love has looked like practicing self-compassion, ease and grace as often as needed.

Self-love has looked like showing up even when I’m scared and being willing to find out I am loved for exactly who I am without hiding, running away, playing games, or selling myself short.

Self-love has looked like exploring pleasure on all levels and following the Joy.

Honestly, I could go on and on and on.

But for now, I will leave you with one final thing that recently changed the game for me…

Self-love has looked like hiring two insanely talented Queens to do an all-day photo shoot of me, where I get to BE and feel careful for as the Goddess I Am.

If you are longing to feel good about yourself and don’t know where to start…

If you are tired of your own bullshit and how hard you are on yourself…

If you are ready to love the shit out of yourself and step into your Wholeness…

Contact me and I’ll get back to you with a link for scheduling a free discovery call.

This is exactly the what I help my clients do in my 1:1 coaching program.

You don’t have to do this alone. You’re not meant to do this alone. I’ve got you!

Also, I just launched an amazing series of GUIDED MEDITATION KITS. Drawing from 80+ meditations in my library (some of which aren’t available anywhere else online).

If you want to dive deeper into the depth of your soul and practice self-love like never before, this SELF LOVE MEDITATION KIT is a perfect way to get started!

Sending you love today, and always.

xo – Jessica

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